Why I Can't Move On - Keep Singing "Oceans"

I've been off my game lately.
I'm not who I was, and while the Johnson&Johnson saying goes "having a baby changes everything", I've been struggling with more than just the life-changes that come with having a baby.
I have found myself caring less about the everyday complaints from people. It's not that I don't feel for them as a person, but I find many things in life to not matter anymore. Who cares about something like wall colors, carpeting, and music style when there is something so HUGE we've been entrusted to?
I am walking so focused through life lately, and it isn't always a good kind of focus. I fail to see the needs around me at times, and become so task-oriented, rather than faith-oriented. I get so bent out of shape when I have a to-do list filled with necessary (I think), yet daunting things. I can't help but look at my life and ask "am I seriously making a difference by replying to emails, cleaning the house for the 100th time in a week, and typing up reports?" (I seriously feel like a lunatic lately.) Any moment can take me away from this life. I have learned this lesson hardcore this year, and now I have so much more at stake. Sometimes I feel as if no one really, truly understands. I can try and sort out my ...feelings (uhhg), and write things that rant on and on and on, and post ridiculous statuses on social media, but deep down, no one will get it. They can say they do, but they don't.
We all have something welling up inside that no one will ever completely understand. We can act in ways that people think are immature, but in reality, they have no clue where you've been and the storms you've faced. No one, except Him.
God knows exactly what is on your heart and mind. He can pick you up on those days that no one seems to notice or care or understand. I've been missing those God-encounters and not being able to find the time to open His Word in so long has caused me to feel empty. I reflect back a lot, if you haven't noticed, and recall 7 months ago when I faced one of the heaviest, yet exhilarating times of my life. (Ok, let's face it - it was THE heaviest and exhilarating time of my life...) And while I don't ever wish to undergo so much stress and pain again, I miss the growing I had during that time. I think I wait around for the big encounters because those are the ones that move me the most lately, but that doesn't HAVE to be the way it is.
He is with you during your smallest, most intimate moments and your biggest, most drastic moments. I believe that everyday God is calling us upon the waters where we may fail, no matter how big or small our challenges are.
When I was called to walk on the water, I really didn't have much choice. However, we always have a choice, even in circumstances where everything is out of control. Believe it or not, water represents "chaos" in the Bible, and circumstances we face can certainly be full of chaos. God calls us into the chaos. Crazy, huh? But if you think about it, those are the moments we grow so deeply in Him. Don't get me wrong, some people may choose to reject faith and God when they endure chaos, and even blame Him. But God has made chaos so that it can end up beautiful. He calls us to follow Him in the midst of it, and if we sink, He'll reach out to us. We only need to keep our eyes on Him.
So whenever I sing "Oceans" in church, at home, in the car, etc. I am reminded that God will not fail me no matter where He calls me. He will give us the strength, the courage and the faith to step out of the boat, and to keep our eyes on Him in the midst of chaos. When the "Oceans rise" aka: chaos, whether it be the heaviest chaos of your life or just a case of the Monday chaos, we can keep our eyes above it and be led by the Spirit. When we do that with the little things, we can trust Him in the biggest of challenges. Keep singing "Oceans". God will guide you through whatever chaos life brings, and He will make you stronger through it.

Busy Christianity

If you're like me, you say "yes" or "ok" a lot to people who ask you for things. Perhaps, also like me, you like to have control over every aspect of your inner circles - whether that be your job, your family, your ministry, etc. Did you know that saying "yes" all the time can actually end up being a sin?

When you reluctantly say "yes" to a request that you could probably care less about, but feel like you should care about, or something that someone absolutely "can't live without you" on, you are saying "no" to so many other things. It's true. You say no to your family time, your personal time, maybe even your God time. I've pushed these things aside more than I ever would like to confess because of the heart-wrenching "please do this for me".

A quote that I came across hit me so hard, it practically knocked the wind out of me because of the blatant truth it stated:

It was after I read this quote, that I realized God never wanted us to sign up to do all of these "good things" for Him. While those things are wonderful and we are asked to be servants for Him, a relationship with Him is the best place to be. When you don't even have the time to talk to Him and listen to Him, that isn't much of a relationship. We are to serve in the places He calls us to serve, and that is it. And that is ok.

I always feel so guilted into things. Working in a church makes it easy for that to happen on a daily basis. I bring work home. I do work in the morning before going to work. Come home from work, throw dinner in the oven, chomp it down before heading off to another meeting or group. Come home from said meeting or group, put Lucy to bed, or come home after she's already been put to bed, then drag myself to bed while trying to turn my brain off for the day, only to get up and repeat the process.
Sunday mornings are worse.  I go to more meetings on a Sunday and get asked more things than one person can ever take on than any other day of the week. Perhaps I'm over-stepping my bounds, but that is the reality of life. Why is that ok?

The question I have is "how did it get this way?" Why did it become the "norm" to be so busy? I've had so many people tell me "that's life". Why? Why does that have to be life? Sure, I brought many things upon myself, saying "yes" to everyone because it was "important" or because "it's my job". But every meeting you attend will be "important" to someone. What we are missing is what is ultimately important - a relationship with Jesus.

Yes, we are trying to win a community and a world over for Him, but when people look at us being busy, overwhelmed workers, who will ever want to jump on that band wagon? I see it as the oxygen mask on the air plane. If you aren't building up your relationship in Christ by being in the Word daily and praying to Him daily, how in the world will you lead others to Him? What kind of example is that?

So next time you are tempted to say "yes", consider all that you say "no" to.

Leadership isn't Loud

There has always seemed to be a bias about leaders being loud, boisterous people who can make beautiful public speeches and order people around.
In fact, I avoided leadership roles just because of this misconception I had throughout high school and college. It wasn't until I worked at Portage Lake Bible Camp that I learned I am a leader, no matter what I thought.
I recall a morning where we ran a large group game time for kids while parents were attending chapel services. Since I was a director (of ropes), it seemed like everyone on staff was looking to me to tell the 50-some kids what to do. I don't have a loud voice - let's just put that out there now, so as you can imagine, calling out to that many kids under the age of 13 was interesting. Luckily, other staff saw I wasn't overly comfortable or gifted in this form of leadership. So I suggested games, they explained it to the kids.
The other aspects of my job that summer though, worked wonderfully. I could lead smaller groups at their level and gave expectations for the staff I oversaw, all without ever raising a voice or putting on the "holier than thou" personality.
I look back on the summers I counseled and directed and see that I was indeed a leader, whether I recognized that at the moment or not. I think the instant you make the decision to follow Christ, and people know you are a Christian, you become a leader, whether you like it or not. Though it doesn't seem fair, your every move is judged. People watch you. It's not always that they are waiting for you to do something wrong as a Christ follower, but they will know it if you do.
Everyone you encounter will use you to add to their opinion of Christianity and Jesus. Everything you say, do, how you treat people, whether you "say" you're a Christian but do nothing to prove it - it is all judged.
So my question for you is this: How are you portraying Jesus to those around you? Maybe you're a teenager who talks back to your parents when you're home, but puts on the angel glow in public. Perhaps you tell everyone that you believe in Jesus, but proceed past the need for food in a local food pantry. Or maybe you gave your life to Jesus back when there was that huge, emotional moment in your life because it felt like the right thing to do, but now you sit around, waiting for another huge moment when God will show up. Who ever said He needs to show up? "Seek and YOU will find." Rather than talking about it, are you doing it? 
Moses couldn't speak well, yet he was one of the most influential leaders in the Bible. Jesus preached to the masses, but He served with humility. You don't have to be a sound speaker or a pushy person to be a leader. Being an example and serving make great leaders. Christ-followers are to be Jesus to those around them. What are you being?

But Really, Do Something

 

While I was in New York earlier this summer, celebrating the marriage of my brother-in-law and his amazing new wife, I had a little time to reflect on this past year as I spent a lot of alone time with Lucy, as my husband, Mark, was off doing best man tasks with his brother. It hit me that it has already been a year since many things happened in my life. I learned I was pregnant with Lucy a year ago and we lost Pastor Rick the same week. From there, my mind spiraled through the next months. August, I almost lost Lucy in a threatened miscarriage, but as you all know, God allowed Little, Lovely Lucy to come to us. September I visited New York for the first time. November my brother-in-law got engaged to his now wife. December of course was a lot of celebration and family time. January was the midst of the crazy winter. March, we welcomed Lucy earlier than expected. The end of March was almost the end of my life.  But I lived to see 28 on April 28^th and from there we come back to my thought processes in July while in New York.

It hit me just how fast and crazy this year has flown by. And as I grow older and have a wider perspective on things because of the events that have taken place, I realize that we have no time to waste. By we, I mean Christians, my family, my friends. We are here for a purpose of being the hands and feet of God. Yes, you’ve heard it before. Maybe in a song or two, but if you’re like me, you sing it or listen to it and then move about your daily life without blinking. What does it really mean to you though?

I think of that song by Matthew West, “Do Something”. It might be an uncomfortable song to some people, or maybe even one you write off and think “that’s not my job to go and do something.” We tend to look at the Great Commission – to GO and make disciples (or make followers) of Jesus- and get the mentality of not letting it be our problem. However, we can read the “come to Me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest,” and suddenly the Bible applies to us. If we believe in the Bible though, and are determined to make it our life, we can’t section off portions of it that fit into our comfortable life. We can seek rest from God, but we also need to do something for God.

We can express passions about the hurting and broken of this world, but then we fail to follow through with helping them, thinking someone else is already there doing it. Maybe we have desired to have a small group on a certain topic and there is no one leading one – why not you? You can get plugged in to whatever desire God has placed on your heart. If you love working with kids, there’s Children’s Ministry. If you’d rather work with kids that aren’t covered in jam and can’t tie their shoes, try Youth Ministry (though I make no promises that they all are not covered in jam, but hopefully they can tie their shoes.) Love making someone’s day? Try greeting them at the doors of church and letting them know just how great they made your day by showing up to church! We have people passionate about going to those rough places and helping those hurting people, but you don’t have to even step on a plane to do something for Christ. Get out of your comfort zone and try something new that can further the Kingdom. The relationships you start and build will last a lifetime and beyond in God’s Kingdom.

365 days may sound like a long time, but as I reflected back on this past year in those moments I had alone, I realized they definitely aren’t a long time in the big picture of my life here on earth. I can ask God to do something, but He already did – He created me and you! So instead of living each day as if it is just another one for your journal page, do something.