As this 2015 closes out and yet another year is gearing up for take-off, I am in disbelief that I will be taking off to the Dominican Republic on January 22. Not sure how that came up so quick.
I'm excited beyond comprehension, but also very, very terrified.
I've been to the DR many times, but it has been about 3 years now since I last stepped foot on the country's grounds. Each time I'm filled with such emotion and inspiration as I work not only alongside the people I went there with, but with the people who are there, embracing us in return.
The excitement side of me recalls beautiful sunrises over an impoverished community, and the incredible range of emotions that stir as I daily faced a new challenge and/or realization. The children are so vibrant and content in who they are and where they are from, and challenge your thinking in the "have to have it all" mentality. Adults are no different. Welcoming, loving and embracing as you exchange smiles in lue of the language barrier. They again, have you asking yourself "what am I missing that makes them so happy?"
Then there are the evenings together as a team, diving into the Word that God has laid before us in ways we never get the opportunity to do back home in the midst of busy lives and chaotic schedules. Tears, laughter, opening up. Before you know it, these crazy people become your family and you are lonely without them once you get home. (Though, I literally married one of them, and made him my family...)
The evenings and mornings are just splendid. Nothing beats a morning, listening to the roosters crow upon the sunrise and sipping the coffee while God intimately moves you in ways that you didn't think possible. My, oh, my...I wish I could bring this experience home to give others a taste of it, but nothing compares. I think it may be the beauty in the midst of the differences, encompassing the simplicity of it all. So simple is this time, yet so driven and authentic.
Then, there is the terrified side of me. The side that questions everything. The stepping on a plane when blood clots have invaded and taken captive of my life. The leaving my baby girl home for that long. The unknowns of life back at home. It almost crushes me. Am I doing the right thing? Am I pursuing the right path?
I'm terrified of leaving the states after what happened 2 years ago.
There is a whirlwind of emotion that tangles itself up in the excitement, and brings me back down to earth when I loft on the memories of this sweet, beautiful place.
What if I do something stupid? Say the wrong things? Make a wrong choice?
All of these questions explode in my mind.
But then I remember how Christ grabbed my hand and guided me here. He has this. He has opened doors wide for me before. He has slammed them before I was dumb enough to step through them (although at the time, I was so upset and angry for those doors not working out). He has literally pushed me through doors before when it all seemed so wrong. But without going through those doors, I wouldn't be who I am today, or have the strength and faith that came with the hardships of those doors.
Again, He stands there, with this door WIDE, and I mean, WIDE open, holding out His hand and offering it to help usher me in to where I'm so unsure of going. He's put pieces in place, and people and contributions where they need to be to get me here. (I can't THANK YOU all enough!) He has given me every reason to hold on to His hand and go. Just go.
So, on January 22, I will be going. For the first time in 3 years, I will be returning to the DR, with a different strength, and health, and different worries than I had 3 years ago. I know He is faithful, and He has proven this to me in so many dramatic ways since the last time.
Be in prayer for my team, my family, me, and God's direction as we do what He needs us to do. Some would question us going at all, but He has His reasons, and I know never to question that.
